


The Mask of Sirius Black

by Crazy_panda_25



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempted Rape, Child Abuse, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9950480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_panda_25/pseuds/Crazy_panda_25
Summary: Sirius Black has always pretended to be okay even when he isn't.





	

The Mask Of Sirius Black

  
If you asked anyone, that didn't know Sirius Black very well, how they would describe him, the words 'happy', 'funny', 'dramatic' and 'confident' would probably come up and that's how Sirius liked it. The mask he had built over the years hid the anger, the pain, the self-hatred. It wasn't until the start of sixth year that the Marauder's had managed to properly break through the barrier themselves.

The summer before had seen Sirius running away from his childhood home, blooded, bruised and broken. The Potters had welcomed him into their home with open arms and vowed to never let his parents hurt him again. Sirius had told James' parents the bare minimum of what happened and even refused to go into detail with James himself. It was too painful, he couldn't let his mask crack, even in front of his best friend.

When school started again a week later, Sirius began struggling with the burden. His mask was falling and Sirius hated it. Instead of letting his friends in, letting them help, he pushed them away, hiding his pain with anger. Sirius avoided his best friends, kept himself isolated in a poor attempt to protect himself. All he managed to do was destroy himself even more. One thing Sirius realised was that the only way to keep his happiness, to the point he can hide everything else, was to have the Marauders around him.

On the third week back, Remus, James and Peter have cornered him, demanding to know what is going on but it isn't that easy. Sirius is stubborn, probably the most stubborn person you'll ever meet. He stands firm against his friends claiming he is fine, claiming they are just seeing things that aren't there. It didn't taken long for James to storm out, frustrated at his best mate's lack of cooperation. Peter, of course, follows, thankful to have a reason to get out of the tense atmosphere that had flooded the dorm during the argument.

Remus, however, stood just as firm as Sirius, keeping his voice calm willing his friend to give in to let them help. The two boys had spent a large percentage of the year before not friends, a stupid, unthought out prank driving a wedge between them but they'd got through it, stronger then before and Remus isn't going to let Sirius destroy that.

"No matter how many times you say you're fine it won't make it true, you know?" Remus says, calmly.

At that moment, Sirius is sick of fighting. He is sick of pretending. To Remus' shock the black haired boy breaks down, right in front of him. Rushing to his friend's side, Remus raps his arms tightly around him, whispering reassuring words into his ear.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, Remus," Sirius sobs, quietly.

"Hey, it's okay. There's nothing to be sorry about," Remus soothes, "please, Sirius, just tell me what's wrong."

"I-I can't do this anymore," Sirius said, quietly, "I can't keep pretending, it's destroying me."

"You don't need to pretend, not in front of us. We can help if you just let us in," Remus says, softly.

"I-I don't know how to. No one has ever wanted to help me before and I don't know how to let anyone," Sirius says, his voice quiet, vulnerable.

"You-you ran away this summer, yeah? Can you tell me why?" Remus says, carfully, "they hurt you, I know that but-what happened?"

"They-they've always, you know, punished me if I step out of line but it got even worse after the sorting. They'd always said that I wasn't as good as Regulus, that they always knew I'd never be good enough for the Black family. Every summer, when I'd go home they would find some some reason why they needed to punish me but after a while they didn't even need one. They would just hit me, curse me, shout at me all the time. This summer I'd had enough, I defended myself and argued right back," Sirius paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"Not the best idea I've ever had. I saw it in there eyes, the hate, the anger. They used the Cruciatus Curse on me, they'd done that before but this time, this time they didn't stop. It hurt so, so much. I must have passed out because everything went black for a few moments, they weren't finished though. My father he-" Sirius stopped, thinking he'd probably said to much already.

"Sirius, w-what did he do?" Remus says, trying to stop his voice breaking.

"He-he tried, he was going to-" Sirius struggles, tears running down his cheeks.

"He was-he was going to-rape you," Sirius nods and Remus covers his mouth with his hands, tears escaping from his eyes.

"Don't cry, please, it's okay. I got away, please Remus it's fine, I'm fine," Sirius says, trying to smooth his friend, "I shouldn't have told you, I'm sorry."

"Sirius, stop saying that. Stop bloody apologising, you did nothing wrong," Remus says, his voice firm.

The dorm went silent, neither of them knowing how to make it all better. It is Remus that speaks first, his voice shaking.

"I want to kill them, you know that?" Remus says, his voice low and shaky, "I've never hated someone as much as I hate them right now."

"They're not worth going to Azkaban for," Sirius says, quietly.

"Maybe not but I'd go there in a heartbeat if that meant they couldn't hurt you again," Remus says, shaking his head.

"I wouldn't want you to because then you wouldn't be here and I need you," Sirius says, softly.

"I need you too, Sirius," Remus says, softly, "and you don't need to pretend with me, okay? If you ever want to talk, shout or cry, I'll always be here."

"Thank you, Moony," Sirius says, smiling at the other boy, "can-can I you do me a favour?"

"Anything," Remus says, nodding.

"Can you tell Prongs and Wormtail? I-I don't think I can face it, not again," Sirius asks.

"Alright but Pads can I ask you a question?" Remus says, softly.

"You just did," Sirius jokes, "yeah, go on then."

"Why didn't you tell James but you told me?" Remus asks, carefully.

"I don't know, I think I was scared that he'd treat me differently," Sirius admits, "but with you, I know you won't. I always feel safe talking to you and you can always see through my mask that makes people think I'm always happy."

"You don't need a mask in front of me, Prongs and Wormtail. We won't ever judge you for anything," Remus reassures him.

At that moment, Sirius finally believed that he can be loved. Maybe his family are a load of inbred, twisted idiots but that doesn't mean he is anything like them. He is loved by his friends, his family of choice, and he loves them right back. At the moment, Sirius realises the mask he puts up to protect himself was unneeded when in the presence of his friends because they'll never judge him for anything. 

 

 


End file.
